22 de febrero de 2009

Patetico es creer una mentira...

Te miras al espejo por última vez antes de que se escuche por la puerta de nuevo tu nombre. Piensas que eres feliz y que esta noche será tu noche y que "algo caerá, ¿por qué no?" Por supuesto cariño, algo caerá... tú caerás, caerá tu ilusión, creada por ojos amigos, que siempre viene bien tener cerca pero que no te muestran la realidad que tu quieres ver, y sigues empeñada en hacerles caso. Y ya no sabes ni lo que dices.

Miradas, comentarios, de quién no te conoce, pero que es a quien más caso haces, quizas en esa absurda creencia de que te ven con ojos realistas, y tu imaginación que juega un bonito papel protagonista en la cruzada que el mundo juega en tu contra. Y aunque eres consciente de ello, es droga que sigues consumiendo porque dependes de ella, aunque te esté matando.

Y regresas a casa y en el camino recreas como tus expectativas y lo que ves, tienen poco (o nada) que ver. Pero vuelves a hacer planes mientras metes la llave en la cerradura, y ves tu ropa, negra, acorde al color de los pensamientos. Te zambulles en el pijama y te percatas de que las medias, negras tambien, tienen un roto, como algo dentro de tí tambien.

Te lavas la cara y al levantar la vista, ves el pasaporte al olvido sobre el estante. "una no hara mal. Llevan eazón, en esta sociedad está prohibido el sufrir, seré una más" piensas, y ya la has tragado.

Un minuto después, ya en la cama, tras bajar la persiana y poner en la puerta el post-it de los domingos (dormida bajo cualquier concepto), apagas la luz, creando asi un universo paralelo, apartado de todos, que es donde quieres estar.

Ya en la cama, sueños vacíos, sin dolor ni felicidad... las medias y las ilusiones en la basura. Y haces un hueco junto a tí a la realidad y a las lágrimas, pero no duelen, las has sacado demasiado y te has acostumbrado a su recorrido. Duerme, concentrate y olvida. Dormir, dormir sin soñar...





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